"How about this: One of you has kept a secret all their life, and is doing so even now. One of you is a murderer -- and I'm not speaking of a vampire, or a mercy killing, or anything like that. And then there is the question of the true identity of Sage--good luck on you research there! One of you has already has their memory erased -- and i don't mean Damon or Stefan. And what about the secret, stolen kiss? And then there is the question of what happened the night of the motel, that it seems that nobody but Elena can recall. You might ask her sometime about her theories about Camelot."
- ' -Shinichi''. '
Dear Diary, I woke one day and the world just wasn't the same as it use to be. I never use to be a believer. People are born, they grow old and then they die, that's the world we're suppose to live in. There's no magic no mysticism, no immortality. There is nothing that defies rational thought. People are supposed to be who they say they are and not lie or hide their true selves. But that's the world we live in. Someone who never grows old, never gets hurt, someone who changes in wats that can't be explained. Girls bitten. Bodies drained of blood. These too many good people who suffer for something like that, for something like that to be true. Everyday we ignore how completely broken this world is. It just seems all too fake, the idea that good things happen to good people. Because every inch of this house is filled with memories of the people that I loved that have died. My mom, my dad, Jeremy and Jenna, Alaric, John. Even John. They're all dead. Everyone is dead. So what am I supposed to - I mean, how am I gonna ... I can't even ... there's nothing left for me!
Dear Diary, Today will be different. It has to be. I will smile, and it will be believable. My smile will say, "I'm fine, thank you. Yes, I feel much better." I will no longer be the sad little girl that lost her parents. I will start fresh, be someone new. It's the only way I'll make it through.
Dear Diary, I made it through the day. I must have said "I'm fine, thanks" at least 37 times. And I didn't mean it once. But no one noticed. When someone asks "How are you?", they really don't want an answer.
Dear Diary, I couldn't have been more wrong. I thought that I could smile and nod my way through it, pretend like it would all be okay. I had a plan, I wanted to change who I was, create a life with someone new, without the past, without the pain, someone alive. But it's not that easy. The bad things stay with you, they follow you, you can't escape them- as much as you want to. All you can do is be ready for the good, so when it comes, you invite it in. Because you need it. I need it.
Dear Diary, this morning was different. There's change. I can sense it...feel it. For once, I don't regret the day before it begins. Because I know I will see him again. For the first time in a long time, I feel good. (Continued) I tried. I want so much to make things right but every instinct in my body is telling me to be careful. What you don't know can hurt you.
Dear Diary, I am not a believer. People are born, they grow old, and then they die. That's the world we live in. But how can I deny what's right in front of me? Someone who never gets old, never gets hurt. Someone who changes in ways that can't be explained. Girls bitten, bodies drained of blood...
Dear diary, I know its been a while. A long while. I haven't needed... I haven't wanted to write this stuff down, but I don't want to say it out loud either. The thing is: I'm a vampire and I hate it. I feel hopeless, depressed, angry, but most of all; I'm scared. Part of me just wants to end it, but then I think of Jeremy. I'm all that he has left, so I need to find a way through this. No matter what it takes.
Dear diary, Today I did the thing I was most afraid of. I lost control. I used to think the worst feeling in the world was losing someone you loved, but I was wrong. The worst feeling is the moment that you realize that you've lost yourself.
Dean Winchester; www.bebo.com/CrocodileHunterDeanx